Gorgeous Grandma

This fall, like most parents, I am facing the prospect of managing virtual school for my two kids, my paid part-time job, and my other job (unpaid) of managing a home and family, all under the same roof. We are lucky to be healthy and have what we need, but it’s still a daunting prospect. Which is why an email from a neighbor got me teary the other day.

The subject line read “How can we help?”. My retired neighbor was reaching out to me and a couple of other mothers to see how she could support us. She offered tutoring, meals, shopping, even laundry. Her grandkids don’t live nearby, but we do. And she was offering to help. I was touched and humbled. Wasn’t I supposed to be reaching out to her to see what I could do to support her, who by just being of a certain age has one of the highest risk factors for COVID? She closed by wishing us all a Happy Gorgeous Grandma day.

My children’s two gorgeous grandmas don’t live nearby and while I know they would do anything to support me, it's hard from a distance, and further complicated by the fact that my own mother has cognitive impairment and is in an assisted living home. And sadly, even if I could safely get on a plane today, I wouldn’t be allowed to visit her. So the email meant more than my neighbor could have known.

A week later, a second email arrived. This same neighbor informed us, her friends and neighbors, that her husband had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a few years ago and had been managing well. But about a month ago, he started getting confused about where he lives and who his wife is. She asked us to keep an eye open for him and call her if we saw him.

I had no idea. I was struck that someone who was dealing with so much stress and loss still had the love and courage to reach out to see how she could help others.

My sons’ beloved preschool teacher always talked about “filling buckets”. That we should all not only try to fill our own buckets by taking care of ourselves and pursuing things we love, but also fill the buckets of those around us with kind words and deeds. When they graduated, she gave them each a sand pail with “Don’t forget to fill your bucket!” written on the side.

It’s much easier to reach out to help when your own bucket is full, when you are safe and secure and things are going your way. It’s a much greater gesture when you are struggling. When your husband thanks you for dinner as if you’re a kind stranger and then tells you he needs to “go home”.

I have been touched by the many acts of kindness and generosity that I have witnessed during this national crisis, but my neighbor’s selfless offer of help may trump all of them. Gorgeous Grandma, indeed.